Capcom and its recently-released fantasy adventure Ultimate Ghosts 'N Goblins has succeeded in doing something that no other company and PSP title has managed to achieve; it's made me want to chuck the system into a wall, and not because the game is bad. Oh no. It's a gorgeous, over-the-top action game that stays true to the legendary franchise it's based on. It's also a mean little bastard, and I'm not talking about crazy cat lady GET OFF MY LAWN mean. I'm talking old man that boils cats and chops off children's heads vicious, the type of product that's been specifically designed for the masochists of the world, which explains why, no matter how many times Ultimate Ghosts 'N Goblins kicked me in the face, tossed me down the stairs, and spit in my eye, I came back for more, at least until the game became boring, which unfortunately happened quicker than I wanted it to.

The funny thing is this is actually the easiest game in the series! Capcom, with the casual gamer in mind, threw everyone a bone by including three drastically different difficulty levels: Novice, Standard, and Ultimate. But even the easiest of them doesn't stop the game from wrenching my very soul from my body and wiping its butt with it. Poor Arthur, the courageous knight in search of his kidnapped princess, gets absolutely pummeled by a host of treacherous monsters. Flesh-eating zombies will snack on his brains, dragons will chomp on his flesh, and ghosts will transform him into a host of ugly abominations. And while all of this was happening, as I watched the poor guy get transformed into a pile of bones, my nerves became more and more frayed. I was becoming intensely frustrated, and this was the game on easy! Talk about evil.

Then there's the matter of wonky controls. Capcom did a nice job adding to Arthur's arsenal so that he can whip out a shield and hang onto ledges, but the developers did nothing about the crappy jumping that plagues previous games in the franchise. It's oftentimes difficult making it across a ledge or onto a platform. Actually, jumps feel more like leaps of faith than calculated maneuvers, and to make matters worse, the game just doesn't play fair. It's not uncommon for Arthur to leap high into the air and get knocked into a bottomless pit by some randomly appearing enemy. It's extremely aggravating, especially when it happens multiple times (in a row, no less). I appreciate the game's retro, old school flavor, but then again, it's 2006 Capcom. Get with the program!

Continue...