I can't take care of pets that well. There, I said it. Hell, I can't even maintain my own problems much less that of a hairy, four-legged mongrel. I love dogs, don't get me wrong, but putting one in my house is sort of like allowing Rosie O'Donnell to help herself to the fridge. It's a regrettable mistake that will only lead to disaster later. Fortunately, more and more video games are coming around that offer virtual pet simulations, so you can have all the joy of owning one without dealing with a smelly carpet or a shredded couch. Now The Sims are getting into the act with Pets, a spin-off from EA and Maxis' current sequel release.

The principle of The Sims is still at work here, as you have to take time in building a community and the characters that surround it. However, instead of dealing with those dorky humans (admit it, they are dorky), you work with dogs, cats, and other house pets. The game starts with the Create-a-Pet feature, where you have a number of intermixable cat and dog breeds to choose from. Looks and features are just the beginning, as you can also give your pet a distinct personality. That means having a dog that's as dumb as a Congressman or a cat that has a precise count of the cans of cat food he has left.

Once you create your pet, you can nurture them and help them attain new abilities, as well as problems. For instance, you can teach them tricks, like how to fetch, roll over, play dead, and several others, shaping them and helping them identify better with you. However, not every pet is going to act the same. One pet may react in an uncaring manner and take more time to train. Another may get what you're talking about and pull off the tricks, but expect a big reward as a result. And some will just get into trouble, digging around in flower beds or tearing apart that lovely new couch you have in the living room.

The Sims 2: Pets benefits from an interactive community, where other players will be able to interact with each other. Playing the game on the PSP (or on consoles), owners of these Pets will be able to swap special codes, which gives them more customization options. This means more fur types, so you can give your pet a finer pelt if you thing black and white spotted isn't the look they prefer. This also means getting new accessories, like fancy leashes that give your pet a more attractive look.

But the most attainable goods in this game come from a more real-time community, which will be present exclusively in the console and PSP versions. Sims players will be able to take their human characters and their pets to the local park, where they can interact with other pets. This allows you to see how their behavior is coming along, so you can tell if a pet's been good (they playfully tackle around with another dog or cat) or bad (they get into a vicious fight). The Sims characters can also benefit by socializing with other pet owners and getting some contact of their own.

After you're done goofing around in the park, you can visit the local Town Center. Here, you're able to see what dog and cat accessories are available for your pets, including clothing and other items. If you always wanted to dress your dog up with Elton John-like shades and a red sweater, here's your opportunity. The Nintendo DS version of Pets has a couple of additional features, where players can own and operate a pet store and take care of their pets in a Pet Care Center. Why these aren't included in all the versions is a little beyond me. Maybe EA wanted to have some extras for the DS version so they could compete with Nintendo's doggone simulator Nintendogs.

The Sims 2: Pets looks to be an interesting spin-off for the series, and should fit right in with the other pet simulation games. The customization options look to be off the charts, especially with the ability to create a strange-ass cross breed. (Remember the joke about the bulldog mating with a shih-tzu and creating a bullshit?) Also, those seeking a community of dog and cat lovers should happily find one here. This game is due to arrive in October, and we'll be back for the "dog days" of fall to bring you a review. Get it? "Dog days". Hey, at least we didn't joke about dog poop. Give us credit.