As you all know, last month saw the release of the film version of The Polar Express, based on the Chris Van Allsburg book of the same name that's been getting some attention over the years. The film stars a digitally reformed Tom Hanks in a tale of a young boy who takes a magical trip up to the North Pole aboard a train, and adventure ensues along the way. I didn't get into the film as much as I wanted to, but it had its moments of fun, despite its somewhat creepy look. Too bad I can't say the same about THQ's game of the same name. It's about as much fun as trying to drag a lead balloon through a snowstorm.

The game is based on the same idea of the movie. You take control of a nameless boy who has come aboard the Polar Express and is on his way to the North Pole to learn the true meaning of Christmas and such. But along the way, he'll run into a couple of obstacles that must be resolved, like finding a particular ticket for a conductor or taking on a robotic Scrooge-like character and his cronies. This includes partaking in a number of mini-games, like tennis, a Dance Dance Revolution-styled rhythm game, and a few others, including two that make use of Sony's EyeToy, a window-clearing screen (to see where the train is going) and a strange Christmas tree decorating round.

The idea sounds like it might be a good time, but the game never succeeds. Some of the games seem downright mean-spirited, like having an angry chef yell at you if you can't sneak past him properly, or having a conductor threaten to throw a fellow passenger off of the Polar Express if you can't present her ticket. Others are just plain pointless, like taking on a robotic guy in tennis when you can just as easily kick him over. All of them, unfortunately, aren't fun, even the EyeToy games. Personally, I'd rather play Wishy-Washy in EyeToy: Play.

Even after the train ride ends, the game has nowhere to go and ends a bit too soon. There are some clips from the film, but the voice acting in them fails to match up to the sub-standard voice acting in the game. It's clear Hanks didn't participate in any form, which is a shame, considering that his talent is what helped the film. The music is also pretty bad, and the graphics are far from amazing.

The mini-games can be unlocked for individual play, as well as some film clips from the movie if you feel compelled to play through them, but the game itself just never really comes together like it should. I blame Blue Tongue, who decided to take the easy way out and build around simplicities rather than actually dig in and make something worthwhile. The Polar Express merely exists because of its license. It has the substance of rice cakes that have been left for Santa, and anybody who does that doesn't really deserve a present, now do they? Skip this Grinch-like game.