Earth, man. What a #@$^hole!

That's probably the only decent quote from the film Alien Resurrection and we've been hearing and seeing things like it for years. A post apocalyptic or simply war-battered Earth has been the focus of numerous sci-fi films and videogames, the latest being Groove and Digital Extreme's Pariah, an Xbox and PC first person shooter that resembles a piece of chocolate with something nasty inside. While you may be licking your lips in anticipation, don't be fooled by this game's candy coated exterior. One bite and you'll regret it.

In Pariah you play as Jack Mason, a supposedly outcast doctor who's found himself trapped on the wasteland known as Earth, year 2520 A.D. A mysterious woman that he was in the process of transporting (before his ship was shot down) has inadvertently infected our friend with some sort of whacky virus and now he's on the run from a bunch of heavily armed wackos as he seeks to not only escape this god forsaken hell hole but to ensure the survival of his lady friend. Thus, hilarity ensues.

Unfortunately, it's more like maniacal laughter, or the type that escapes your lips after you've failed to swat an annoying fly for over an hour. Pariah just isn't fun to play and there's no getting around that. It doesn't matter that it comes with Xbox Live modes and a pretty cool map editor. In fact, not even its graphics, which are rather impressive, can save if from mediocrity, yet its snazzy visuals will no doubt be one of the driving forces that propel this ho-hum product from store shelves.

The game's first problem, one of many, is its story. I'm of the belief that a FPS doesn't need a good story in order for it to be a great game, but I do enjoy a well-told yarn now and again, and Pariah gave me the impression that it contained a great one. It certainly starts on a high note. The opening cut scene is initially impressive but ends far too quickly. The developers could've really used some additional time to provide some back story for Mason as well as set up a much more dramatic view of the Earth he finds himself on, but instead he just gets shot down, somehow survives, and now he's shooting bad guys. Don't think for a second that things will get better either. The rest of the game's cut scenes are just as mediocre.

After the opening scene Mason picks up a machine gun called the Bulldog, which just so happens to be one of the worst FPS weapons that I've ever used and that goes for the rest of the items that he finds. Just about all of the devices in this game are useless. The Bulldog eats ammo like crazy, the grenade launcher reloads too slowly and doesn't really pack the punch that it should, the shotgun is cool until you realize that one blast at point blank range won't kill anything, and the sniper rifle is a far cry from Halo's. There are some more weapons but they're not worth mentioning, as they didn't improve my opinion of the collection of stuff Mr. Mason gets to wield. Plus, to make matters worse you can't pick up ammo if your reserve is full, even if your current weapon has a single round left in it. You'll have to manually reload and then grab it.

The guns in this game aren't even designed well. The Bulldog, for example, is like an old VHS. It's this enormous device that does something rather simple and it looks awful. I'd like to think that by 2520 A.D. machine guns will be smaller. Hell, they're smaller now!