Well everyone, after some strange technical difficulties that smell suspiciously like voodoo (or maybe it's just Cajun chicken), I'm back to sum up another week of gaming-related nonsense and news in one tight, yet voluptuous package.

What's that you say? You didn't have a chance to read my first column before the internet gods had stricken it from the site faster than you can say, "What happened to GameCube's third party support?" Well, in order to keep you caught up on what's what, I'm John Luedtke, a features writer here at GamerFeed whose elusiveness can be compared to that of the ninja, sasquatch, or good Army Men game. My job, as noted above, is to sort through all the garbage you see in that column on the far right, find the important stuff, and give you my own little spin on it. Are we square?

Ok, let's go.

As I mentioned, third party support for Nintendo's little purple lunch box is starting to fade faster than N' Sync's career. Over the last couple of weeks, we've seen both EA and Sega all but abandon their GameCube sports lineups, Codemasters cancel Colin McCrae Rally 3, THQ say that they will "slow GameCube development" (interestingly, just before they announce Sphinx), and much, much more. Add this to the fact that the Xbox has secured the #2 spot in the U.S. (for the time being), and thanks to bouncy, pixilated boobs, Microsoft, at least for one week, had stronger sales than GameCube in Japan and one's gotta think that the alarms are going off in Kyoto.

But relax, Cubers. Before you run around the town square screaming, "The sky is falling!", ask yourselves this question: Has Nintendo ever let you down? Ok, so maybe they have. But seriously, while they may be stubborn to the point of madness, the suits running the show for the Big N aren't stupid and it's already known that they've got some big things in the pipe for the not-so-distant future. Let's just hope that they loosen their lips before things really start getting bleak.

And no, fools, Nintendo is not dropping out of the hardware business any time soon.

After what seemed like ages, but in actuality was only a month, Microsoft finally released their downloadable content for Mechassault this past week and Xbox Live fanatics everywhere are enjoying blazing their Ravens and Covusses through Hell's Kitchen and Stone Cold.

Here's what Day 1 Studios' Denny Thorly had to say:

"Xbox and Xbox Live make it possible for us to keep fresh new content and gameplay 'in the faces' of our loyal MechAssault fans. These fans are the leaders and influencers in the industry, and we thank them for their support and patience."

Hey, no sweat, Denny. But if you make us wait much longer for Capture the Flag it's your ass, Mister!

Xbox Live subscribers also received new information and screens on a new Splinter Cell mission, available through download. Described as being more challenging for seasoned veterans of the game, the mission is entitled "Kola Cell" (no, you can't drink it) and will be available March 14th.

Here's how Ubi Soft describes Kola Cell:

In this new level, with his famous gadgets at hand, Sam can call upon his best moves-from the split jump to the stealthy roll-to achieve his four objectives. The new level promises to be action-packed to give a new challenge to the players who completed the game."

For more information, click here.

Speaking of Splinter Cell, the PS2 version, which surprisingly features numerous enhancements and additional features, has finally received a release date. PS2 owners can get their stealth on starting April 8th.

News like this, even if it is just speculation, just saddens me. The arcades were once so vibrant and vital to our beloved industry. Now 90% of them are nothing but wannabe entertainment complexes with overpriced drinks, bad music, and an unbalanced ratio of foosball to video games. If Capcom drops out, who's left?

Speaking of Capcom, they are certainly out to impress people lately, aren't they? With the "Capcom 5", Capcom Vs. SNK EO Online, and now Glass Rose, I can't wait to get my hands on all that they have in store; and I'm sure I'm not alone in that feeling. To me, the stuff they've announced in the past year has been unprecedented in terms of style and inimitability. (Say that five times really fast).

And now for something completely different.

I thought that this week I'd take a trip over to our forums and see what's going on. Forums are always fascinating places to exchange ideas, thoughts, and stimulating conversation. You folks sure find some interesting things to do with your time. For example, how about The Duct Tape Appreciation Thread? Yes Mr. THG, Duct Tape certainly does own us all...or something.

Or how about this one? Metalhead has directed us to a site comparing and contrasting our very own Charles Manson to Jesus Christ himself. What's more compelling than the site is that as of this writing, Metalhead's thread has received 113 responses. Someone knows how to get a rise out of people, doesn't he?

Ok, one more. When I saw the title "The Crap Jokes Thread", I thought for sure I was in for some good clean defecation humor. Unfortunately, I wound up reading jokes such as these:

A string walks into a bar. The bartender spots him and says "We don't serve your kind in here." So the string goes outside, and into the alley and gets an idea. He ties himself in a knot and messes up his hair a bit and walks back in. The bartender spots him again and says "Aren't you the string I just threw out?" and the string replied "Nope, I'm afraid not."

Whoo boy...

And finally, in GamerFeed news, we're still accepting applications for PC Writers. If you think you have what it takes, and also feel you can handle working under the microscope of a crazy Brit named Phil, Click here for more details.

And that'll do it for me. If you still can't get enough of the news feed, might I direct you to that vertical bar over there on the right. Don't say we don't take care of you.

Oh, and if ever you'd like to drop me a line, submit a cool link or news story, or just shoot the breeze, you can reach me here.

I'm open.