Medieval II: Total War is really the fourth installment of this grand strategy franchise, though I haven't really dipped into the prequels much. I'm not a big fan of real-time strategy games. They're too slow and plodding. I'd rather watch grass grow. But the biggest reason why I'm not a fan? The Mad Man doesn't do strategy very well. Meaning, I'm not a good tactician. Instead of planning stuff, I'd rather be one of the grunts down on the front line getting run through with a spear like a human shish kabob.

Medieval II has been developed so that it can be played as either a conventional down in the trenches point-n-clicker or from a world map as a turn-based strategy game. The setting encompasses the years 1080 to 1530, one of history's most turbulent and bloody epochs. During this time you'll get to see the golden age of chivalry, the Crusades, the rise of gunpowder, the Renaissance, and the discovery of America. You'll even get to see France when it was a power to be reckoned with (if you can believe that).

The recently released demo gives a very small taste of what the final game will let you do by only allowing you to duke it out in two different staged battles: Pavia (in the year 1525) and Agincourt (1415). You can't build any cities or raise armies, engage in diplomacy and skullduggery, or any of the other grandiose features you'll find in the final game. Gratefully, this interactive History Channel program comes with a fabulous tutorial that teaches first time knights in shinning armor the ins and outs of bringing "total war" to the whole of Europe.

After one session with it I was able to grasp most of the significant features. I knew just enough to get me going, and make me totally dangerous... to myself! Basically, I repeatedly got my armored butt handed to me on a shield.

In the Battle of Pavia you fight using a conglomeration of troops from the Holy Roman Empire led by Charles de Lannoy. They have joined forces with the non-playable Spanish forces led by Antonio de Leyva. You're goal is to destroy King Francis and his gendarmes (knights), who have taken root at Mirabello Manor outside the town of Pavia, Italy.

In order to succeed, you must move your troops and attack according to a structured plan. Each side has its typical (for the time) units such as archers, spearman, heavy infantry, heavy cavalry, etc. These unit types will change based on the era in which the battles take place. In this case, my non-playable Spanish troops had gun powdered muskets. I have no idea why I wasn't allowed to control them, but it drove me stark raving mad. In my humble (and bizarre) military stratagem, left to their own AI devices, they were worthless.

I played this particular scenario six times. I was soundly trounced and driven off the battlefield with my tail between my legs in my first four attempts, although one was a "close defeat." It reminded me of the old adage that "close" only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I blame it on the French, and their damnable canons that kept annihilating me from a distance!