When you get a call asking if you'd like to spend an evening drinking heavily, playing Madden, and stuffing your face intermittently with store-bought munchies, the last thing on your mind is balking at the opportunity. It's especially appealing when it's your job and you get paid for it, but, of course, I did it in the name of science ... yeah, sciiiiiience.

With the 21st iteration of EA's flagship sports title hitting shelves recently, I spent nearly an hour locked in GameDaily's game room, face-to-face with a bottle of Captain Morgan, attempting to answer the age old question "How drunk is too drunk to play Madden?". (Or, as frat boys call it, "Tuesday.")

The game settings were as follows: I would play as the New York Giants against the Indianapolis Colts on All-Pro difficulty with seven-minute quarters and no accelerated clock. For every change of possession or TD scored by the opponent, I would take one swig of the good ol''sweet sauce. Patented Captain Morgan leg raises were optional.

On hand to witness the event were GameDaily Editress-In-Chief Libe Goad, her merry band of AOL writers -- Robin Yang and Andrew Yoon -- special guest videographer Dan Ackerman of CNET fame, and a friend of mine who shall go by the name "The Guy Who Eventually Carried Me Home."

Things started off a bit slow, neither side really taking advantage of the other...until my running back, Brandon Jacobs, took it upon himself to begin the avalanche of alcohol I would consume that evening. He fumbled the ball nearly two minutes into the game, leading to the rum shot seen 'round the world...or in the video above, at least.

This is the part where I wish I could mention a valiant New York Giants comeback happened, but quarterback Eli Manning's arm and decision-making betrayed me. An interception and fumble during decent drives inside the opponent's side of the field killed any semblance of hope I had in scoring. Drinks No. 2 and 3. Then, an onslaught of scoring spurred on by Peyton Manning's bionic arm of doom. Drinks No. 4 through 8. An ugly game by anyone's standards. Oh, and an interception in the final seconds just for good measure. Nine shots of Captain Morgan in total within a span of 14 minutes of fake football.

And that was just at halftime.

Sensing an imminent rush to the hospital and me falling into an unstoppable bout of conniptions, the game was called at halftime with the Indianapolis Colts up 35-0. Zero! Not even a field goal, folks. Too much defense. Too many turnovers. Too much room-spinning.

Incensed by his performance on the field, I quickly grabbed attention of the camera guy and began having a heart-to-heart talk with Eli Manning, whom I was convinced was living inside of the video camera. Watching. Laughing.

That's when you know you're too drunk to play Madden. Now, where's the nearest White Castle?

Gerasimos Manolatos is not, like some think, a Greek unicorn. You can read his words at Maxim.com, GameDaily (Hint: You're there now) and Asylum.com. Or, stalk him at twitter.com/gmanolatos.