Ground Zero: Pocket D, Part III

It didn't take long for Mortimer... I mean Mr. Existential, to bust through the protective case holding Aphrodite's girdle. We both looked at it awkwardly, really rather wanting to be anywhere else than the here and now.

"Why do I feel dirty?" Mort asked, holding the girdle between his thumb and index finger, trying to touch as little as possible. His three henchmen were standing several feet behind him, holding in chuckles and giggles.

"I know I didn't just hear someone laugh." All three soldiers immediately went into the "attention" mode. "Be gone!" shouted Existential, and they summarily disappeared without a trace.

"I love the ability to call them when I need them, and dismiss them even faster. Now let's get this thing back to Ganymede... before I decide that I want nothing to do with you anymore."

Existential was beginning to show a penchant for having a very short attention span.

"Sounds good, I'm parched." And I was. The lingering aftertaste of that last Paragon Porter was fading away. We hit our teleportation beacons and we were both back in the middle of the hustle and bustle of Pocket D instantaneously.

"Here," Existential said as he tossed the girdle at my. "I'll grab us some seats at the bar and order us a few drinks, while you take that back to Toga boy."

"Don't forget to go visit Scratch and get the second part of the mission."

"I won't." he grumbled, slinking off towards Snatch.

We met back at the bar, where I had already grabbed us a few beers and was chatting with Sam when Mr. E finally walked up.

"What the hell?"

"Don't ask, Forge. It's even worse then you first thought. Recluse is planning on making an army of super soldiers with that water from the cauldron. And to replace us no less! But guess what he plans on doing with us?"

I shrugged as I tugged on my Porter.

"He's going to send us all to Paraon City... at the same time."

I dropped the Porter, my mouth agape at the audacity of Recluse's plan. "Son of a..."

"I don't like it anymore then you do. A full on face-to-face war with you heroes right now isn't something we need."

"Hmmm... indeed. Well, this will definitely be more intriguing then hunting for a girdle!" I chided. I sat the Porter down and told Sam to keep in chilled. "We'll be back."

"Grab your galoshes and hip waders, Forge... we're heading into one of those damnably dank caves of the Circle of Thorns."

I hate caves. Even more so after watching that movie where the expedition goes down and gets mutated into weird ass flying dragon snake things. And last time I went down in one I caught a bug that I couldn't shake for a few weeks. I even took Airborne!

"Wonderful. Can it get any worse?"

"Well, now that you mention it... we're only going in with Kierkegaard and Heidegger. Sarte had a dentist appointment that he couldn't cancel."

Again my mouth swung wide in awe.

"Zip it, man. I usually keep my henchmen on a short leash. But how effective can they be with tooth decay, right?"

I shook my head, dumbfounded. "Can we go?"

"Ya, the portal is over there behind that well-designed and chic looking wall abutment."

"Excuse me? You auditioning to be on Trading Spaces or something?"

"What?! I'm only saying..."

"Zip it, man," I said sarcastically. "Let's beat up on some damn Thorns and be done with this."

We entered through what looked like one of those portals from Stargate SG-1 and were immediately transported to the cave.

"Let me check my map. You call in the reinforcements."

As I got the lay of the land Kierkegaard magically appeared and Heidegger slid down from his zip line - through the rock ceiling. "How does he do that?"

"Do what?"

"That trick where he drops down rope through whatever solid ceiling happens to be there."

Mr. E shrugged. "Not really sure. I chalk it up to him being so... existential."

He did not just say that.