It's difficult to imagine who would want to play Desperate Housewives: The Game. Historically, games based upon television shows have usually been pretty bad. In this respect, the game doesn't disappoint. It really is as bad as one might think.

Welcome to Wisteria Lane, an idyllic suburban street where secrets and conniving neighbors abound. Players take on the role of a resident who has just moved in with her husband and son. The husband makes a decent living as a doctor, and has just set up a new office. The teenage son is facing teenage problems. Is it really necessary to be a stay-at-home mom with a family this small and the son who is almost grown up? Apparently so. Besides, the character has her own problems that she brings to Wisteria. She forgot about twenty years of her life due to a mysterious accident. She can't remember her wedding, marriage, or family. No wonder she can't connect with her son! So, one of the first mysteries to unfold is finding out who the main character really is.

Similar to how the show is a mix of different genres, the game is a blend of different types of games. It borrows a lot from The Sims, but has elements of an adventure game with some casual mini-games tossed in. Players generate a character by mixing and matching different attributes and outfits. Then they assemble the family, who become more like adornments than actual characters. Once a family is established, the characters are free to play through their lives. The main character has needs (relaxation, socializing, happiness, etc.), and the player must pay close attention to make sure all of them are met. There are also often a number of chores that need to be done around the house; otherwise things tend to shut down. Seriously, if a couch cushion isn't in its proper place, the couch becomes unusable. Who can live with that kind of stress? Luckily, you can hire a maid who will come in and pointlessly stand around.

Happiness comes in a number of different ways, but the easiest is through buying things with money that magically trickles in on a daily basis, presumably from the husband's practice. Extra bonus money is rewarded for completing a number of tasks, leading to the next chapter in the game, and budgeting can be done to squeeze out a few extra bucks. Use this cash to upgrade household decorations. Players can't actually redesign the house or move furnishings around, but they can select from a paltry list of "upgrades" to superficially change the look of their home. The character can even run out to the mall and shop for clothes, which is terribly unfulfilling given that the clothing is the same outfits only in different colors. Considering how the character stays happy and makes a better impression when wearing something new each day, this is an unforgivable oversight.

But the heart of the game isn't about cleaning (even though the character appears to gain happiness through doing laundry) or shopping. There's gardening too! Yes, players are able to partake in a gardening mini-game. Pull all the weeds, kill the pests, and keep all the flowers watered and healthy (each flower type has a different temperament) and soon the garden will reach new levels, unlocking new flower types for purchase. Similarly, there is a mini-game for cooking, where players have to follow some basic instructions and learn how to cut vegetables using a knife that sways back and forth. Having a healthy garden and a well-fed family will impress the neighbors, which is what Desperate Housewives is really all about.

Players will almost immediately be introduced to the characters from the show, whose likenesses are pretty well represented. There are no celebrity voices used here, only passing substitutes. Upon meeting them, you build up relationships and gossip. Players are given a number of dialogue options depending on the appearance they want to project: straightforward, secretive, rude, or somewhere in between. Forming strong bonds with the main characters is quite easy, as long as you tend to agree with them most of the time. Dialogue choices influence the dynamics of the relationships, leaving some more open to speaking than others. The player literally collects secrets and stores them away for later use.