Dead Rising was supposed to be my savior, the game that would rescue me from the doldrums of summer while at the same time allowing me to experience (in videogame form) George Romero's classic film, Dawn of the Dead. It's got a humongous shopping mall, thousands of zombies, and hundreds of weapons to kill them with. There's also a copious amount of blood, a decent selection of vehicles to test drive, and just plenty of over the top shenanigans. But unfortunately (and it pains me to say this), Capcom only got it half right.

Everything started off ok. As a freelance journalist by the name of Frank West (I don't like the man's face or his attitude), I was to infiltrate the Williamette Parkview Mall and cover the mysterious zombie infestation. But there's more to this than just snapping pictures to gain Prestige Points (a practice that's actually quite entertaining). Not only was I to cover the story, but also save the entire town of Willamette, or what's left of it, anyway. Survivors had barricaded themselves in some of the stores, and to top it off, some nut jobs (crazed occultists of some sort) were running amok. This would be the scoop of the century! The story would be on the front page of every paper! I'd be a national hero!

Oops. I screwed up. Time to start over.

Oops. Screwed up again. Back to the beginning.

Oops. Damnit! Time to play Geometry Wars.

Here's the problem with Dead Rising. Capcom came up with a wonderful fantasy scenario: a shopping mall full of zombies and a zillion weapons to bludgeon them with, but in creating this utopian sandbox it also crafted a pretty boring story mode. On top of that, they put an annoying time limit on this mode, 72 hours to be exact. But time in the game world is not relative to time in our world. Actually, the time in Dead Rising just flies by, but that makes perfect sense, because murdering hundreds of zombies, whether by axe, shotgun, lawnmower, boomerang, potted plant, kitchen knife, and gun turret (among other items) is a lot of fun. And as the old saying goes, time flies when you're having fun, though there are exceptions such as horrible escort missions, lame and glitch-ridden boss fights, and calls from Otis the janitor, and I'm not talking about one call here and there. The guy calls Frank every five to ten minutes. He just won't shut up, but that's the least of my worries. I'm actually more concerned with going blind from straining to read most of the game's text, which is obnoxiously small, so much so that I can't sit more than six feet from my television.

Now 72 hours, even in the videogame world, is a decent chunk of time, and with that being said I planned to do some light sight-seeing. After all, Capcom spent all this time crafting a humongous shopping mall. I might as well admire its work. But such tours cannot be taken. The game's developers have tied the missions to the time limit in such a way that I need to adhere to them like an overbooked tourist. Furthermore, if I should screw up I'm toast, as in I have to start the entire game over from the beginning. The stats that I accrued in my previous adventure will be carried over, but yeah, I've got to go through the same boss fights and escort missions.

Ah yes, the escort missions. All of the people that I've repeatedly called to and held by the hand are extremely stupid. They get trapped, they stop walking, and they disappear. On the positive side they'll fight alongside me, but they don't attack all that much, and god help me if I accidentally hit some of them, because doing so results in them punching, kicking, and sometimes even shooting the guy who's responsible for saving them in the first place (that'd be me). But I digress. These missions just aren't fun, they drag down the game, and I usually just let these people die.

I know some gamers love the idea of having to start over because it keeps things challenging and that's fine. I'm not saying that I fear a good challenge. However, the decision to allow one (count it, one) save slot was and still is ridiculous on Capcom's part. Not only is having to run to a save point archaic by today's standards, but it also means that two or more people can't play their own games. However, the game does throw me a bone from time to time, such as when boss characters repeatedly get stuck behind things, which allows me to kill them faster. I don't necessarily like it seeing as how it's a nasty glitch, but since I don't like the story mode, I take what I can get.

Thankfully, and as I've alluded to, Dead Rising is not a bad game. It's not impossible to complete, and the actual storyline (though populated with some really annoying characters) is fairly entertaining. On top of that, it's possible to unlock two additional modes, one of which allows me to hack and chop till my heart's content. Capcom definitely messed up, but when it comes to exploring the mall, disemboweling hordes of freaks, and testing out what appears to be an innumerable amount of weapons, the developers not only passed the test, but graduated valedictorian of their senior class. The zombie smashing is gruesome, terrifying, and hilarious at the same time, so much so that even minor frame rate hiccups aren't enough to halt my amusement. Plus, there's a plethora of achievements to unlock, and going after them all adds an extra dimension to the gameplay. That alone, bumped my final score from a 3 to a 3.5.

I would've loved to award Dead Rising with a 5/5 but it just didn't happen. The strict adherence to the time frame sours too much of the experience. It's like telling me that I can have all of the sex that I want with as many beautiful women as I want, but first I have to pass nine AP Calculus exams. Those tests (or in Dead Rising's case, escort missions) are a real downer. But on the positive side, not only does the game look great, but it offers up a very pleasurable experience whenever I travel off the beaten path. I certainly don't regret playing it since I love zombies. But at the same time, I would have been just as satisfied if I'd rented it.

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