Armed and Dangerous tells the story of a rag-tag bunch of thieves called the Lionhearts. During what was to be their ultimate heist, they accidentally end up joining a rebellion to save their homeland from the evil King Forge. The storyline, shown through some very lengthy cut-scenes, is a cross between Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, the gameplay is more like a cross between Will Rock or Serious Sam and a pony keg of lousy light beer - boring and bland. In short, this game is a far better movie then it is as a game. Let's start with what's great about Armed and Dangerous, because there are some really "Great" (with a capital "G") things about this game below the crusty layer of blah-dom.

The story is set in the fantastical land of Milola, which consists of four realms: the farmlands of Midden, the underground mines of Scotland, the Island of Armortia and the dark land of Forge - you'll visit each completely unique realm during the course of the game. The leader of the Lionhearts is Roman - a character blend of Ben, the biker from the LucasArts game Full Throttle, and Han Solo. His "crew" consists of three very funny, quirky characters: Q, who was once an elite robot guard for King Forge, but is now a prissy sort with a few short-circuits and a predilection for tea; Jonesy is the last moleman from the land of Scotland, with a short temper, a foul mouth and a disposition to blow things up; and Rexus, a short, filthy old man who was once a mighty magician, but now is blind and quite insane.

This game is chock full of subtle (and not so subtle) scenes, jokes, characters and references to movies (particularly George Lucas ones) and other pop-culture icons. For example, the opening scene - which sets up the rest of the game - has our intrepid heroes tracking down Rexus in the middle of the frozen Bergog Wasteland. After a confrontation with King Forge's men, Rexus is left out in the blizzard and is freezing to death. To warm him up quickly, Q comes up with the brilliant idea of... well... let's just say it's a very twisted and hilarious spin on the scene from The Empire Strikes Back where Han sticks Luke inside the carcass of a Taun-Taun.

The game's "Table o' Bloody Contents" (seriously, that's what it's called) contains a hilarious three page back-story about our gang and what has led them up to the very moment the game starts. Planet Moon has created an amazingly detailed world for this spectacular story to unfold upon. Each of the characters are voiced to perfection and have dialogue that is the most well written (and funniest) I've ever seen in a game. Musically, the game shines with Scottish bagpipes, mandolins, and flute-laden sounds from Renaissance Days adding to the mystical feel of the game.

The zany comedic touches are also incorporated into the weaponry of A&D. There are seventeen weapons to choose from, three of which are fairly standard: a carbine, machine gun and sniper rifle. Sticky Bombs look like little UFOs, and fly Frisbee-style to their intended targets. Additionally, there's a powerful mortar gun and a rocket launcher. The Vindaloo Rocket Launcher fires two rockets simultaneously that locks on and seeks out independent targets. Finding the upgrade "token" allows it to shoot four rockets at a time.

However, it's the insanely creative and hilarious weapons that you'll want to use the most. The funniest is the Land Shark Gun, which does exactly what its name suggests: fires a gigantic Great White Shark into the ground. Once launched, it "swims" around looking for victims, dorsal fin cutting through the ground ala Jaws. Then it shoots up, chomps down on a poor soul and dives back into the ground! The Topsy Turvy Bomb, once driven into the ground makes the world flip over, making all nearby enemies "fall" into the sky! When the gravity shifts back to normal, enemies "drop" back down in a satisfying splat-fest! Those are just to name a few!

Any game that incorporates Pubs into its gameplay is a huge plus in my book! In A&D, pubs play a vital role in the success of many of the missions. They're scattered about the levels and act as "refueling" stations. If your health is diminishing, you can dart into the Pub to "replenish" your health. The Pub is also an armory, where you can select from a few different weapons and restock your ammo, which you'll need lots of!

Now, what's bad about A&D? Let's start with the excruciatingly linear gameplay. There is absolutely no ability to wander through this phenomenal world. The closest thing you get to an interactive environment, aside from entering pubs, is using enemy machine gun turrets and cannons, both with limited practicality. I found myself wanting to get through the game portions just to watch the cut-scenes. Fortunately, after completing each level you "unlock" the ability to go back and watch them again.

The game is incredibly hard, and there is no difficulty setting. It took me nearly 20 hours to get through the 21 missions, which is usually a good thing, but not here. It took that long because I had to restart virtually every level numerous times to make it through. Often times, there will be an overwhelming number of enemies coming at you.

Things get worse with the unbalanced AI. They're stupid enough to stand around and let you sneak up behind them, but once they notice you they become deadly accurate from any range with any weapon.

In certain missions, your friends Jonesy and Q tag along to give you a hand. However, 99% of the time they are completely irrelevant to the mission's success. Even if they die, they will rejoin you at the end of the level as if nothing happened. You have rudimentary control over these two characters, but it doesn't really do anything to help.

The graphics are lackluster, and I had the settings turned up to the max. Furthermore, buildings become transparent when you get near them, making things even harder. Not only that, but this "transparency" effect made for some bad clipping issues. Enemies are able to shoot through buildings, draw distances are lame, and everything looks blocky. To be honest, the game doesn't look finished.

Last but not least, I have two final words for you: No Multiplayer. I'm not quite sure what Planet Moon was thinking by not including this feature, but it's a MAJOR mistake. A&D absolutely screams for multiplayer mayhem!

With any luck, we'll see an Armed and Dangerous: The Movie before we see an Armed and Dangerous: The Game sequel.