Despite the fact that I write lots of big ass reviews, I'm really not a fan of the long windedness. Whenever I go to a competing website and gawk at their 5-8 page articles I curse out the authors and scroll all the way to his or her closing statements, because when you think about it (and I invite you to ponder), there's no game on the planet that cannot be summed up in a neat little paragraph. After all, if you were to ask me how good or bad a game was while you and I were shopping at the mall, would I really launch into this three thousand word explanation of why this game is better than that one? No, and the people who would, well, you would slowly back away from them.

In all interests of fairness, this isn't the mall, and most people (I guess) demand a good, solid read. But I refuse to give such respect to Vivendi Universal's 50 Cent: Bulletproof, and the reason why I'm going to make this review short and sweet is because the developers failed to deliver a quality gameplay experience, but more importantly, their shoddy work disrespects anyone who calls him or herself a gamer. This product is so rushed it makes EA's Xbox 360 launch titles look golden by comparison, and that shouldn't be the case.

I really wanted to love this game. When it arrived in the office last week I stood up and begged for it, not because I'm much of a 50 Cent fan, but simply because I wanted to play an above average and bloody shooter. I was willing to accept the brain dead AI. Just give me a gun and point me in a direction.

The problem with this game is it keeps pointing me in the wrong direction each and every time I maneuver the camera. Bulletproof has without question the worst aiming/camera system that I have ever seen. It's so god awful that it's nearly impossible to hit a target, so I'm just running around in circles and staring at the ground or the sky. Meanwhile, I'm getting hit from behind and dying, and not because I suck at shooting people. Well, I suppose I do. I suck at shooting people using this retched system. This, after I inverted this and that axis and adjusted the sensitivity. That's when I know when I'm wasting my time, when I have to fix a publisher's game and the process takes more than two minutes.

So that's all that I really have to say. I contemplated making this entire review a single sentence long, just to be a real ass about things, but I wanted to rant a bit more. Kudos to Vivendi for packing Bulletproof full of music, videos, and acquiring the voice talents of a few notable hip hop stars such as Dr Dre, Eminem, and of course, 50 Cent. But it takes a lot more than a sparkling presentation to make a good videogame, and with that, I'm OUT!

Our Final ScoreVery Bad

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